An Ode to a …oh crap.

I don’t like poetry. I don’t GET poetry. I can’t read between the lines in most poems, or songs for that matter. I used to write the saddest, most angsty poetry ever. I stopped b/c it was too depressing, too silly.
Last night while I was trying to fall asleep, my mind was trying to write a poem.

So. Apparently I’m going back there. I can’t write anything else, so…craaaaaap.

The Stars Are Aligning ….Against Me

The stars and planets are trying to kill me.
What the HELL is up with my horoscopes lately? If you know me, you know I put enough stock in star signs…Ok, I’m a bit on the witchy side, so, yeah, I believe in astrology. 99% of the time my horoscopes are spot on, ESPECIALLY those done by Rob Brezney. Then there is that 1% that is just making it up.

Horoscope #1, July 8, 2011 from tarot.com

“Sexy Venus in your sign naturally amplifies your desires, but her opposition to passionate Pluto makes it more difficult to share your feelings. You might believe that you’re trapped and that you won’t be able to find a path to satisfaction. However, this is not the time to give up. Take a risk and share your needs with someone you trust, but don’t blame anyone else for your current predicament. Obstacles won’t seem so overwhelming if you speak directly from your heart and take full responsibility for your emotions.”

-_- what. The. Hell? And really, I guess I hadn’t read this one clearly enough, or I just didn’t understand or whatever, until just now. So I’m ever more –__– What The Hell?

As for the blaming anyone else for my current predicament, bitch, PLEASE. I know who’s to blame. Why the HELL do you have to point it out to me???? Rude.

But yeah, this stuff has occurred…ish. Those obstacles are even MORE overwhelming. And the heart is not in tune with the personality that is in charge day in and day out (and the personalities are a wholly different story, stay wondering about that for a bit).

Horoscope #2: July 6, 2011 Free Will Astrology by
Different site, same day.

“While listening to the sound collage radio program “Over the Edge” on KPFA, I learned that a new primary color has been detected. Quite different from red, yellow, or blue, it has its own distinct hue that’s impossible to describe. You really have to see it to appreciate its essence. The discoverer of this marvel is Dr. Wohan Squant, who has named the color “squant.” (Full details here.) I wish I could predict you’re about to create or find something equally revolutionary, Cancerian, but I can’t go quite that far. Nevertheless, you’ve entered a phase when you have the power to tinker with and even transform fundamental laws of your universe. So who knows? Maybe you’re on the verge of a shift almost as revolutionary as the discovery of squant. ”

First off, “sound collage” “Over the Edge” to me reads “The Edge of Glory,” but that’s probably just the Gaga influence. Secondly, the color analogy SO applies to me…I’m more tie dye/patchwork though. “You really have to see if to appreciate its essence.” Duh.
It’s time to tinker with the laws of the universe??? Uh, as Capt. Montgomery said on CASTLE: “There’s no upside in screwing with things you can’t explain.”
But yeah, I’m on the edge of a shift…But really? SQUANT?

Horoscope #3: MSN July 9
“Don’t hide, Cancer. This is your time to come out of the shadows. There’s a spark within that’s urging you to act. Move forward and worry about the consequences later. This isn’t a good time to search every sentence for hidden meaning. People may be careless with their words. Don’t overanalyze them.”

Firstly, OF COURSE it’s time to come into the light. It’s MY time. And there are sparks happening. Not sure what kind, but they are happening. But it’s telling me to leap and look and don’t bother with the fine print. I can’t do that. I can’t just let go. I have to have control over me. “This isn’t a good time to search every sentence for hidden meaning.” Whoa. After some exchanged messages with a gal pal regarding various things, this one sentence carries a lot of weight. But as she, and this horoscope says, I won’t look for hidden meaning where there is probably none.

Horoscope #4 MSN July 10

“Proceed with passion, Cancer. Get out of gloomy mode. Don’t sit home and mope. Get out in the sunshine,
literally as well as figuratively. Don’t stay cooped up inside when there is a big world out there to explore. This is a day to keep things light and energetic. Remember that happiness is a decision.”

This one just makes me want to cut someone. I CAN’T proceed with passion, only caution. And gloomy mode is status quo. It was really bad early in the week, and it slowly got betterish. I would like to be all out and about, but for one, it is TOO DAMN HOT. For another thing, there’s nowhere I really want to go. I like sitting at home with air conditioner, books, Twitter, and Doctor Who. And yes, happiness IS a decision, and it’s a different kind of happiness that I have. It’s not TRUE happiness like everyone else, but it’s “happiness” for me…just content enough not to want to…whatever.

So yeah. The stars and planets are aligning to try to kill me. With romance, passion, and happiness. And it’s hilarious, because I have sworn off all three.
I started being more VOCAL about the fact that I’ve sworn off what I call nonsense just recently, and already the universe is out to get me. Just like Jay (as in Jay and Silent Bob) said in DOGMA, “The whole fucking world’s against us, man, swear to God!”

In my case, it may be right.