No sprint today. Conscious decision. I DID, however, take the time to bang out an outline. Not one with heavy details, more like, which scene goes where, and what other scenes might be needed.
I haven’t gotten many scenes down, but I’ve got a good bit already started. I’m trying to remind myself that this isn’t supposed to be one of my long epics, just a tiny little story.
I’ve KIND OF figured out the story a bit, and I’ve changed the names of the Main Characters. They are SLOWLY coming to life for me. But it still isn’t fast enough. I don’t have enough time for them to slowly unravel. I need to know who they are–NOW!
Patience is NOT one of my virtues.
I’m having a real issue with the patience and the focusing. Not a surprise. But most of this comes from an issue of me not having something I usually have when I’m working on something.
It’s like my writing buddy Natalie’s Cheez-It thing. She HAS to have Cheez-Its(the regular kind, if you please) when she sits down to write, so that she can get into the right frame of mind.
My issue is…well, there’s a long story involved, but suffice it to say, I no longer have access to what I need. It’s almost as if…well, back in the 80s, there was a granola candy bar with peanut butter in the center called “Big Boppers,” or “Boppers.” They were discontinued just after I had fallen in love with them.
This is what I’m trying to equate my situation to. My favorite candy has been discontinued, and when I sit down and try to write, I lack the focus, the passion, and inspirational spark that is so necessary to my storytelling.
And it isn’t fair. Nature Valley took my Boppers, and Judas took my inspiration.
And believe me, I have been trying to bring in substitutions. Crushed ice distracts me even more. All the water and Dr. Pepper move right through me as fast as I can finish one. The chocolate makes me want more chocolate.
New music tries to put me on another track when I need to be on THIS one.
Photographs, pictures don’t help. That just makes everything worse. The shiny objects in the room become even shinier.
It all gives me a headache, insomnia, backache, guilt, depression. I don’t have a sense of well-being, a sense that I have accomplished something. I get a SMALL FRACTION done these days, compared to just a few months ago.
Writing becomes more of a chore, less something to enjoy. I should enjoy learning about my characters, but so far, I cannot stand either of my MC’s, mostly because I know nothing about them.
This is really frustrating. And unfair. I resent…I resent ALOT of stuff right now.
But I’m banging on the best I can. I don’t do well with change, and these past months have been rife with it. It’s a brand new day and all that, but why is it again that I can’t keep SOME stuff the same? I am REALLY in need of security and stability and I am not getting ANT of my needs met.
I am writing.
Just not today.