As the title suggests, today is a better day.
The weather turned extremely nice, and I’m sitting in my apartment in the ghetto with the windows open and letting in some fresh, cool air.
Good news: I just needed a car battery.
Better news: I have a brand new battery.
Bad news: I know owe a buddy $100 for this battery.
Eh. Win some, lose some.
I was definitely not feeling this way last night, as you read.
I’m quite a bit calmer than I was, even though the outlook, though not as bleak, is still pretty dark.
But at least I’m not feeling murderous today, right?
As you know, I’ve posted a “Donate” button on my home page here. One of my sweet writer buddies has already made a donation. One that I TRULY appreciate. I don’t take money for granted. I don’t take it lightly. I don’t feel entitled, I feel grateful, and even blessed for that buddy, and that donation. Every bit helps. Whatever comes to me through this donation is going directly to my car battery right now. And every time I drive the car, I will be thinking of those who assisted me, in a world where a dead battery is a #FirstWorldProblem, as Twitter taggers call it.
Now that I’m not panicking and freaking out, it’s time to go back to work. My belly is full, the weather is lovely, I have Season One of True Blood to hang out with while I go do some longhand work. I’m working up to a big scene. The big part of the scene, the reveal, is already done, but needs tweaking. What I need now is what happens leading up to this big reveal.
I’ve been trying to think it through, but my brain just doesn’t want to work.
It’s been about three months since I basically “went off my meds.” A couple of weeks ago, I started to try to substitute vitamins and herbs for these meds.
It is not working. I’m pretty sure that those herbal supplements, and maybe even to a point, the vitamins, are part of the reason I have been SO murderous. (The time of year, the weather change also triggers my depression of old, but that’s a whole other can of worms I’m not willing to get into right now.)
St. John’s Wort does NOT work for me.
I have immediately stopped that nonsense. It makes me crazier than I normally am. I am just going to have to power through until I can find a way to be able to afford what it is that I need. But one thing at a time.
Another thing that has just messed me up and made me murderous is the 750 words challenge I have set out on. This challenge has taken me to an incredibly dark place that I don’t want to visit, not even for a minute. In order to stay the course, I’m going to have to figure out a different way to do things in that challenge. I need to lock that door back up and keep it bolted.
Ok, I need to cut this off now so that I don’t use ALL of my words on my blog. I need to save some for this next chapter.
Once again, thank you to those of you who have assisted thus far, to those of you who are reading this blog, subscribing to this blog, riding the Crazy Train with me. It’s not all downs, but bear with me. This is a season that can get pretty bad when I’m not looking.
And I watch this 27 second snippet of video from one of my favorite tv shows when things get really dark. And it does help.
Pile of Good Things