Sorry For the Informal Hiatus, or The Diary of a FanGirl: Descent Into Madness

Holy cow. There have been some changes since I was here last. This place looks so much like Tumblr that I might spend some extra time over here. (Although I really liked the old look, but I haven’t been here so maybe they took a vote and I was just absent.)

So…Hi! How’s everyone been doing? Is all well in your universe?

As for me…

I’ve kind of lost my mind, lost my way the past couple of months. I’m so very close to finishing my story Physical Therapy and publishing it. (For those unaware, I’ve been waffling back and forth between going the traditional publishing route and E-publishing. I’ll be E-Pubbing this one. Final Answer.)

Not only have I been working on the format to get ready for the publishing process, but I’m also finding small things to tweak. This is version 12 or something and of course there are still things to change or tweak or fix or delete. There will ALWAYS be something to fix or tweak. The story will never be perfect enough, but I’ve got to let it go sometime.

Now is not that time, however. Since it does need some tweaking, I should really be doing that, right?

RIGHT?

RIGHT?

Ok. Yes. I SHOULD be doing that. I just haven’t. And it definitely didn’t help that I had to surrender my laptop to the manufacturer for servicing for a week. I had a loaner computer, but I couldn’t work with it. Every time I would try to type a sentence, try to delete something, I would hit the Home key, which would send me back to the beginning of the document, getting me so frustrated I nearly tossed the loaner across the room. Which would have been bad.

And then I was just incredibly distracted by what was going on in the world of television to get anything done. No, really. I got my laptop back, but by that point it was getting closer and closer to the end of the normal tv season, and I was obsessed with watching how those stories unfolded and could think of nothing else.

Or maybe that’s the excuse I trotted out so that I could continue on with my Informal Hiatus.

Either way, I think I needed a break. An ACTUAL break. Like, a vacation kind of break. I’ve been FanGirling over the same OTP for the better part of two years, just wondering how they are going to get together and what I can do to keep them apart…sort of.

Didja like how I inserted some “fandom” vocabulary there?

Here, let me throw some definitions your way, via Urban Dictionary:

fangirling: v. 1. the reaction a fangirl has to any mention or sighting of the object of her “affection”. These reactions include shortness of breath, fainting, high-pitched noises, shaking, fierce head shaking as if in the midst of a seizure, wet panties, endless blog posts, etc. 
2. v. To make loud, high-pitched noises (this includes squealing, yelling, or talking so quickly that it doesn’t sound like they are actual speaking a real language) or show their excitement for the object of their obsession though movement (this includes jumping, glomping, running in circles, etc.). Fangirling involves a lot of physical action unlike fanboying and can be quite annoying. 


OTP: One True Pairing. Meaning the your favorite combination of characters in a fandom (or work of fiction).

Shipping: This is most often used on tumblr by fandoms. Fandoms will ship everything and anything. Shipping comes from the word relationSHIP. Basically it is when you want a fictional character, real-life person, or cartoon people to be together. People often write fanfictions about their favorite ship, called their OTP.

In short, I’ve gone full on FanGirl.

Let me show you some of my new obsessions:

(Tom Hiddleston, cover of Flaunt magazine)

(Tom Hiddleston as Loki. Via screenrant.com)

Jensen Ackles

Jared Padalecki

Mind you, these are just the NEW ones.

But these are the ones that tipped me over the edge.

I am never coming back over that cliff.

could thank my friend Jennifer for her assistance in my descent into full FanGirl Madness (and I have, repeatedly), but I won’t blame her for it. That’s all me. I have a very addictive personality, and since nearly all of my vices have been taken away from me, they must be replaced.

And boy, have they been replaced.

In the past couple of months since I’ve been on this Informal Hiatus from my story and from general things in life I need to get done, I have been living on Tumblr. Finally having figured it out how to work it, I can maneuver my way through the tags, know some of the tricks to try, the ones to skip, and can find the best fanfic with just a few clicks of the mouse.

Did I mention that I’ve been reading a LOT of fanfiction? Because I have.

fanfiction: Fanfiction is when someone takes either the story or characters (or both) of a certain piece of work, whether it be a novel, tv show, movie, etc, and create their own story based on it. Sometimes people will take characters from one movie and put them in another, which is called a cross-over.

Most people who bash fanfiction are not willing to look past the fact that it’s based on something else to see that it could be worth reading IF you like the subject.  If they don’t like the subject, then obviously they are going to automatically dismiss the fanfiction.

I started reading fanfic a couple of years ago because of Castle. I didn’t read a lot, only cruised over to check out a few stories people were raving about on Twitter, because, let’s face it, Castle, and its OTP “Caskett” is perfect. Not much more is needed in way of story, because the writers are giving it to us. But there are a couple of really good stories by some talented writers in the fandom that enhance my Castle-watching experience. I have even jotted a couple of Castle fics down myself. But they were very short, and for contests. (I have since learned that works under 1k words are called “drabbles.”)

But lemme tell you about some of this Supernatural fic I’ve been reading.

I am learning a lot. About stuff. And things.

A LOT.

There are SO MANY talented writers in the SPN fandom…it’s very intimidating. Just as a writer trying to pull her own characters together in a story that catches peoples’ eye, it’s terrifying to look at these websites like Archive Of Our Own and see all this FREE stuff (in MANY fandoms) that these people are writing for love, for fun and for free.

And most of it is FREAKING EXCELLENT.

And no, I’m not talking about the porn.

At least, not ALL of the porn.

There is some porn written for the sake of porn, for the writer to “live out” the fantasy of “seeing” their OTP in certain situations.

There are some stories that are really well-written, and perfect as is, plenty of humor and heart, but get ruined by the porny stuff.

Then, there are excellent stories where a little smut enhances the story and doesn’t make me want to stab myself in the eyes. These stories are beautifully written and are tearjerkers. And when these writers want to make you cry, you can be assured that you will cry bucketfuls.

Like reading Jude Deveraux, Johanna Lindsey, Fitzgerald, Bronte, I find myself a little discouraged when I read some of the more beautiful works. I do my own thing, but I cannot write like these people. But I am TRYING.

I haven’t written anything for this fandom, not really. Just a few words as a result of a picture prompting me to do so. I haven’t gone too deep into the rabbit hole. Yet. It just feels nice to actually write something new and not just edit stuff I’ve been with for two years. It feels nice to actually FEEL.

Speaking of the word “feel,” here’s another definition for you from Urban Dictionary:

FEELS: A wave of emotions that sometimes cannot be adequately explained.

Feelings you get when something you read/see/hear/etc is just so touching and perfect that you can’t help but make sounds, curl into a ball and never stop thinking about said thing that made you this way.

The intense emotion of a fandom.

The feelings you get when you watch or look at some sort of picture of video, most times of a celebrity, where you cannot place what your feeling (usually feelings of the sexual variety).

I’ve been having a lot of feels lately.

Which is a good thing, actually. I’ve been feeling robotic and clinical for way too long, haven’t felt much of anything in a very long time. So it’s pretty exciting that some storytelling (via television and fanfic) is getting me excited, making me laugh, making me cry, making me think. It’s even making me think about things I’ve written and how I can make them better.

So even though I know I should be working hard on Emma and Brandon’s story, it’s nice to not worry about them for a little while, now that their story is pretty much set in stone. It’s the little things that I need to worry about, and I’m getting to learn from master storytellers (whether they know they are or not), getting to learn what works and what doesn’t.

Becoming a FanGirl wasn’t a choice, not really. It’s like a lifestyle. I’m still on the fringes, but I am a FanGirl. And I’m ok with it. As long as I recognize that a good chunk of it is laziness and self-sabotage, I can also call it “research,” as long as it makes me a better writer in the end.

And now that the busy tv season is over, it’s time to get back to work. Hence this blog post today. I’ve got my manuscript at the ready. It’s time to go back to Chapter One and see if I’ve learned anything from my hiatus full of “research.”

(no copyright infringement is intended with these photos. I went, I saw, I Googled. Most of the photos were found via Tumblr, and I’m not exactly sure who I need to credit. Just know, none of the photos are mine. I should be so lucky.)

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