As a child, I was a Spoiled Brat. Actually, I was a monster. I was awful. There were many reasons for this, but I’m only here to talk about being a spoiled child.
I was both the youngest AND only child. I was the only child my parents had together, but they each had children before me with others, so youngest and only.
Babies of the family tend to get whatever they want. Only children don’t have to share. It was very convoluted and confusing to my tiny little brain.
My parents pretty much gave me whatever I wanted when I was little. And if I didn’t get it, if they said No, I pitched a fit. I was really good at it. To get me to shut up, they gave in. They kept replacing attention and affection with mountains of toys. I’m convinced this is why we never had any money when I got older. They spent it all on Cabbage Patch Kids and race car sets and Big Wheels. So it very much felt like my fault when we couldn’t pay our electric bill.
But in the beginning, I never asked for any of that. But when it became clear that I could get just about anything for nothing, and the rest for asking/throwing a tantrum, I went for it.
After a while, after mountains of things had been given to me, and I started asking for things, pitching fits, or literally JUST asking and then being legitimately SAD about not getting whatever it was, I was called “Greedy.” That was the label I was given as a child. That is the label that has followed me and haunted me my whole life.
This word was applied to me by my mother, my siblings, and later on, my nieces and nephews. So it’s kind of ingrained in my DNA by now. I feel extremely guilty whenever I do something nice for myself, or when I go overboard on groceries, or if I buy myself two pairs of $6 shorts from Wal Mart. If I spend money on someone else, it’s not so bad. I don’t know how to go all out anymore, so I don’t go crazy. I mean, I was the kid who gave everyone in my grade a Valentine’s card so no one was left out, the kid who gave everyone in the family some little present for Christmas, regardless of whether or not I received a gift in return.
I don’t expect nice things to happen to me, and feel extremely guilty when they do. So when I get spoiled by my friends, and they know who they are, I feel uncomfortable, not knowing how to accept the gift gracefully, whether it be books, fandom goods, or just a compliment. I find myself shocked that anyone thinks highly enough of me during holidays or my birthday. I am EXTREMELY appreciative of gifts. I mean, I’m not in it for stuff. It’s literally the thought that counts with me.
I have trouble letting myself be spoiled. I have trouble spoiling myself.