So I have this friend. Let’s call him David. (Because that’s his name.)
We live in the same town, just on opposite ends. He lives closer to the City, I live closer to the place where there used to be Country without actually leaving the town. We went to college together, were involved in theatre together, were BFFs. When we get together, we’re the Keystone Cops.
The thing is, we don’t get together that often. I’m an introverted hermit with social anxiety and seasonal affective disorder who doesn’t like to leave the house because there are people and situations, and he’s a social butterfly who is still involved in theatre (I think), who works and has friends he hangs out with and goes on cruises and out of state concerts with, blah blah blah.
I see him maybe once a year. Usually for our birthdays (which both occur in July) or at Friend Christmas, when EVERYONE gathers together to get crazy, but he missed Friend Christmas this past year, and I pretty much refuse to celebrate my birthday. Or go places. (Long story, maybe another day.)
So it’s entirely possible that I haven’t seen him since 2012. And we live less than 10 miles away from one another. He drove me to friend Christmas (b/c a medicine I was taking for migraines made me violently ill and you DO NOT miss Friend Christmas or there’s hell to pay) and before that in August when I received free tickets from a customer for the Crosby, Stills, and Nash concert at the Zoo. When we see one another multiple times a year, that means we usually skip a year.
But when we come back together, it’s like there was no absence. He’s still a dirty rat bastard, and we’re both bad friends who never use the phone. But he’s a dirty rat bastard bad friend who always gives great gifts–even when I tell him to stop (b/c I’m an even worse friend who is usually broke around his birthday).
He always gives me a Target gift card (which I love, b/c, like I said, broke), an excellent card or two, and a beautifully presented gift. I believe the last gift was a flask inside a hollow Bible. Because he knows what a heathen I am. Always hilarious.
I’m trying to play catch up with him and his gifts. I randomly sent him a small collection of gift cards and gift certificates I’d amassed. And for his day this year? Amazon gift card. I know. I’m so original. But Amazon is a dangerous playground. He’s probably gonna end up with one of these:
(googled image ganked from Amazon)
One summer, Debbie Gibson came to town to play one of the leads in the musical Chicago. That bastard David showed up with a framed and matted autographed 8×10 and autographed poster. He’s a horrible human being and I cannot live up to him.